Decisions

So, obviously I’ve stopped doing the challenge. Mostly because the questions on the list were pretty boring and I just wasn’t that interested in answering them. No one wants to read boring stuff anyways.

I have however decided to take a break from all things dating. I’m worn out from it. I’m tired and hurt from talking to people and then them disappearing. Would be nice if people were straight up about it all, saying they aren’t interested, then that way being friends is a possibility. But hey, thats just me. So, even though I know the rejection is just because I’m not what they are looking for, it hurts more than I want it to. Because of this, I’ve decided to back off of it. Take time for myself. Taking myself off the online dating game and just focusing on school, my friends, and myself. I’d rather focus on making new friends than trying to find a date.

Here’s to enjoying my 20s with no regrets.

Here’s to letting go of all the coulda, shoulda, and wouldas.

Here’s to reminding myself what I’m here for.

Here’s to making sure I know my self-worth.

Here’s to being truly happy with myself and by myself

xoxo

Alicia

Day 13:Describe how you met the last person you texted and talk about your friendship/relationship

Day 13: Describe how you met the last person you texted and talk about your friendship/relationship

Well….this is an interesting one. I thought about lying and going with the second last person I texted, but I promised I would be honest in this blog, and so I will be.

The last person I texted today was J. My ex-boyfriend. Also one of my best friends.

We have an interesting relationship now. I’m sure he’s reading this going “oh boy..this is going to be awkwarrrddd” and then he’ll text me after and tell me what he thinks and it won’t be awkward at all…seriously.

So…yeah. We were together for almost 5 years. My parents liked him more than they liked me! We broke up summer of 2012 and it was a mutual break up. We had to or else we would of ended up hating each other.

You see, being together meant one of us had to give up our careers. He had his dream job working with rockets in a city I couldn’t get a Ph.D in. I couldn’t ask him to follow me and he couldn’t ask me to stay. So we decided to end it gracefully and promised to stay friends.

And we have. There is too much history between the two of us to just draw a line, to de-friend each other on facebook, and never talk again. He is one of the few people who has met my mom and he was there for me when I lost her, he supported me throughout undergrad (oh yeah physics baby), we traveled across Europe together, we lived together for a year, we adopted two kitties. I couldn’t just give all that up. I mean..it isn’t often I can find a guy who can deal with my crazy antics and my need to fight to let out energy.

Most people say that you can’t be friends with someone you used to be in a relationship with. If you can be friends, then you are still in love. I disagree with that. Yes, he has a piece of me and he always will, but I know that I’m not IN love with him and I realize that we are better off as just friends. Like I said, we have a very interesting relationship and over the past year and a half I realized that he was what I needed in that period of my life, but now I need something different.

So, we have a wonderful relationship now. We still talk every once in awhile and we keep each other updated on life. We are comfortable enough and have had enough time to be able to share our dating stories too. In fact, he is supposed to tell me a story soon! I learned a lot from him over the past 5 years and I’m so grateful for that.

Hi J! Hope you liked this post. Be glad I didn’t blast you out! :]

xoxo

Alicia

Day 12:Your proudest accomplishment

Day 12: Your proudest accomplishment

Getting into a Ph.D program. Took me two years and I finally did it.

2011:

When I graduated, I applied to just one school since I wasn’t sure what I wanted to do specifically. I didn’t get in.

2012:

Applied to 6 different schools. Only got one interview. Didn’t get in to any.

Felt like crap. Wrote this blog post.

Applied to several PREP programs. Got into 2 different ones, decided to join the University of Rochester’s program

2013:

Applied to 9 schools. Interviewed at 6. Got into 6 programs.

Now, I’m a Ph.D student at a school in Boston.

I didn’t give up. I felt worthless so many times, but I kept trying. I had a great support group who helped me get back on my feet and try again. So, if you ever have a goal and you keep failing, keep trying. Maybe that next time will be the time you succeed. Sometimes you have to find other ways to reach your goal. If I hadn’t of done the PREP program, I would not of been able to go from 0 acceptances to 6 schools to chose from.

I’m just a girl who is finally getting to live out her dream.

xoxo

Alicia

Day 11:Your worst/funniest/most embarrassing date

Day 11: Your worst/funniest/most embarrassing date

Hahahaha oh man, anyone who knows me knows I definitely have stories to tell. I’ve had some interesting experiences so I’ll share a couple with ya’ll today.

Worst date:

There was this one guy, he looked like a tool (you know those  mirror pictures and the whole jersey shore look going on) but was nice and friendly enough. I wasn’t sure I wanted to meet him, but Barbara told me to keep an open mind and go anyways. So, off I went to the middle of Boston. Earlier in the day, he had given me his address to meet him at his place, and for me, I don’t like to meet guys for the first time at their place. It’s creepy and you never know who is an axe murderer. I told him no, and I wanted to meet him at a nearby popular park. He said okay. When I got there, he told me he wasn’t ready and to start walking towards his place and go figure, he still wasn’t ready when I got to his building. Fast forward me waiting at least 5 minutes. The majority of our conversation went like this:

Guy – Hey, lets go up to my place, I have a really nice balcony I want to show you.

Me – No, thats okay, I’m not comfortable going up there.

Guy: Why not? It’s not stranger danger.

Me: I just met you, I don’t know anything about you.

Guy: Let’s just say yesterday was when we met! Come on, lets go. I want to show you my place.

Me: Nah, I’m good.

Guy: Okay ugh, let’s walk to the park here…

Fast forward to when we were sitting on the bench. I was wearing a dress and as I sat down, my tattoo started showing. He noticed it and grabbed my dress to try and pull it up to see the tattoo. Needless to say, I went off on him. He then proceeded to try and convince me to go back to his place. When he finally got the idea it wasn’t going to happen:

Guy: (standing up) Well, I’m gonna go back to my place then.

Me: (still sitting) okay.

Guy: ….aren’t you gonna walk me back.

Me: uh…sure (thinking I had to go back that way anyways)

We get back to his place and he says he wants to show me his apartment lobby. Deciding to humor him, I said okay and went with him. He made a run for the elevator and stepped inside and one last time said “come on, let me show you my apartment”. That’s when I said see ya later and walked out.

This all happened in less than 15 minutes. Some guys just don’t understand.

Most embarrassing:

Met up with a guy at a bar. Had a few too many drinks. Decided to walk around Beacon Hill. As we were walking up a street, I lost my balance and toppled into a bag of trash. Then a few weeks later, went on a second date. We were walking around a square chatting. I lost my balance and fell again.

Course, I did warn him in advance that I had horrible balance, but geez, the two times I fell, I just HAD to be with him. Story of my life.

This final story isn’t a date, but Barbara said I needed to put it in since it could of led to a potential date. This is a very short story about how a girl got hit on by a guy and ran away.

Girl was sitting at a coffee shop people watching outside

Guy walks by with a beautiful white dog. Old ladies at table next to girl stop guy to talk to him about the dog

Girl watches the interaction, smiling to herself

Guy leaves

Later girl decides to move to another spot down the street. Girl begins walking down and realizes guy is going the same way in front of her

Guy looks back several times as girl gets closer. Guy stops and turns around and asks girl if she was stalking him in a joking way.

Girl freaks out and laughs and says no, I was just about to cross the street.

Guy looks confused as girl crosses street.

Girl realizes what just happened and texts her two best friends. Best friends yell at her for running away and explain guy was trying to start up a conversation.

Girl goes d’oh and will try not to run away next time.

The end.

xoxo

Alicia

Day 10:Google the meaning of your name and talk about how it fits or doesn’t fit you

Day 10: Google the meaning of your name and talk about how it fits or doesn’t fit you

AHHH I’m finally caught up. Hopefully I won’t slack anymore, because having to catch up on 5 posts is kind of a pain in the butt!

Meanings of my name Alicia: sweet, honest/truth, and noble/exalted

These are what came up when I searched my name. For the most part this fits me.

I’m sweet when I need to be, but I definitely have a sassy side. Most of my friends who read this and know me well are probably thinking “Alicia..sweet?? Yeahhh right”.

I’m always honest, I’m known to tell it like it is. I don’t usually sugar coat things…unless it is food…then it’s sugar everywhere!! My roommate can attest to waking up in the morning and seeing sugar crumbs all over the table. I always try to be real. I don’t like lying and I’ve got this impulsive thing to tell the truth.

The last definition, noble/exalted is kind of cool. This is the definition I knew growing up for my name. It relates back to the second definition. This is me. At least I hope it is, the girl with outstanding qualities. I’m not perfect, but I try to be courageous, generous, and honest.

I love my name. I think it is unique and pretty and definitely fits me. Good job to my parents for picking a good solid name. By the way, it is pronounced a-lee-shuh, not ah-lee-see-uh.

xoxo

Alicia

Day 9:Your favorite “weird/funny single behavior”

Day 10: Your favorite “weird/funny single behavior” – Anything you do that is uniquely YOU and that living alone allows you to do.

Hmm, this is a hard one to answer. What do I do that I do when I’m single vs. taken? Nothing really. Everything I do now as a single person I’ll do as a nonsingle person. I’m probably more weird when I’m taken.

Probably put on a sing-a-long show for my cats. Do you see a theme here…I mention cats in almost every post. meowmeowmeow.

I don’t live alone, but I like to sit upside down on my couch on occasion..does that count?

xoxo

Alicia

Day 8:Five things that are most important to you in a future mate

Day 8: Five things that are most important to you in a future mate

1. Educated

I’m going for my Ph.D, I’d love to have someone who is on the same level as me or has at least a bachelor’s degree.

2. Sarcastic

I need someone who can take a joke and be sarcastic. I’m very sarcastic to the point that some people can’t figure out if I’m serious or joking sometimes.

3. Outgoing and social

I’m a more quiet and shy person in new group atmosphere. I need someone who is the opposite and thrives on these environments. This way, I will relax a lot quicker and be able to be my comfortable self.

4. Patient

Being deaf comes with more struggles than in a normal relationship. I need someone who is patient and is willing to repeat things for me and make sure I know whats going on and in general be aware of my needs.

5. Affectionate

I love getting and giving affection. I love hugs and verbal and physical cues of “hey, I care about you”. I don’t think I could be with someone who couldn’t show it.

That was an easy post. In my last relationship, I learned so much about what I wanted and what I didn’t want. These are the things that pop up in my head immediately in no particular order. I think they are all ranked on the same level.

xoxo

Alicia